Day One - FAIL

I am very sad to report that today didn't go as planned, and I really can't blame it on my lack of follow through either.  Had a chiropractor appointment right after school, then had to cook, then off to church.  While I didn't necessarily spend time in study, I did have some great praise time in the car and while I was cooking dinner.  
I'm one of those people who pays attention to the words of songs (much to my children's chagrin), so singing along to me is like a prayer.  One of my favorites is "He Reigns" which I think is by Newsong (maybe others).  But our church has a version on the Awaken CD that really gives me chills.  I will never forget being in Venezuela several years ago...two memories stand out most...First, I LOVED cruising around Maracaibo in the pimped out bus with the Awaken CD blaring and all of us singing to the top of our lungs.  There is something heavenly singing "He Reigns" in a foreign country along with Venezuelans.  Very cool.  The other thing I remember was being in church on Sunday and hearing voices in English and Spanish singing praises to God - just a very small taste of heaven!  I think that's when I feel closest to God, when I'm praising Him in song.  One day I'll blog about the lyrics that mean the most to me.


But I have been reading a book that has made me think...Unspoken by Francine Rivers.  First of all, if you haven't read Redeeming Love by her, then stop what you are doing, go get the book and read it NOW!  Probably the BEST book I've EVER read (and trust me, I've read a bunch of books).  Now, Unspoken is part of a series about the lesser known women of the Bible and this one is about Bathsheba.  It's a fictional account of what might possibly have happened in Bathsheba's life before and after her affair with David.  Great read and it really gave me something to think about.  In the story, Bathsheba is a child and her family is following David while Saul is still reigning.  At one point, Bathesheba has a HUGE crush on David and is all upset about something and her mother says to her "You should spend your time worshipping God and not a man" or something to that affect.  WOW!  I wish my mother had said that to me a long time ago.  That really spoke to me.  How often do I put other Christians on pedestals thinking that they are "gods."  It's my own fault, but I get really upset when those people I have made into a god disappoint me.  DUH!  I feel like God has to slap me across the face to remind me that they are human just like me, not just like Him.  I cannot expect them to be perfect, but I do.  And then I don't understand or I am let down when they do something perfectly human that shatters my image of them.  Surely I'm not the only person guilty of that.  Another friend once told me that you go to church to worship God, not to follow a man.  She told me that right before our former pastor resigned and everyone was wondering "oh no, what will happen to our church? who can ever replace Him???"  Ha! God showed them!  
As a high school teacher I hear a lot of non-Christian kids talk about the Christian kids, and of course, their biggest complaint is that they are hypocrites.  You know the ones - party on Friday and Saturday nights and then sing in the choir on Sunday mornings.  We have messed up the Gospel so badly that they don't just God by who HE is; they judge God by us, by church-going Christians who are sinners and screw-ups.  I want to find a way to share God that doesn't make being a Christian seem like work.  I want to share with them a God who loves all of us, even in our badness and sin.  I want them to know that they don't have to be "good" to get to God - they can never be good enough, no one can.  I want them to know that God can save them in their deepest darkest pit - and He will come to them to do it.  Figuring out how to share that with them is the problem.  I want to teach them not to put their faith and hope in people, but in a God who is perfect and holy and just; who loves them for them.  (Break into song with me now....not for what I have done or who I will become....)


So, what has God taught me today in my first day of failure?  That I am a perfectly flawed human being and HE loves me still.  I so love the sermons when David reminds us that God doesn't keep track of quiet times and scripture memory; that there's no magical card that we have to check things off of; that we can DO nothing to get us to God.  God loves me whether or not I watched TV tonight; He loves me whether or not I write in the blog; He loves me when I'm frustrated because I only have 40 minutes to fry chicken before I have to leave for church and my children are making me want to scream.  And I'm SO incredibly thankful for that...because some days, I don't love myself...I don't even like myself...in fact, if I could leave myself, I would because I am so miserable to be around.  But He loves us even then, friends.  So onward I journey to learn to love God and to desire God as much as He desires me.


Until next time....